Revisiting Autumn Journal

I spent some time the other day revisiting my journal entries from the past.  This one stood out as a milestone to my continued amazement at the apparent circular nature of life choices on our paths.  Where, like Pooh Bear, each endeavor leads back to the Sand Pit of our efforts to get home.

In dialog do we let our hopes fly ~

into the dark, unlit caverns of our foreboding.

Our trusted beloved accompany us

so that together,

we are encouraged. Zen of Chance

I visited the VA yesterday and discovered some aspects of me that had not been so clear.  I had paved a road of self- sufficiency for decades. This self assurance was challenged when I found myself in a situation of asking for assistance; it was not so very comfortable.  The VA had other agenda's, I suspected, to suckle the power of being able to affect.  But that's another insight I could be convincing myself is the overarching truth.  I am adverse to labor in situations where the return does not merit the invested effort or time.  Or, and this is more my case, I see a dearth of disrespect.  Be that to me, or others. Plane and simple, abuse suffocates me, I cannot remain indifferent for any length of time; hell I can't even gather the resolve to endure the prospect of it! 

   "So Mister Cuddy.." the education assistant queried,

   "...why don't you want to work having obtained your MBA?" 

   "Well ma'am, it’s like this…" I replied.

   "One day I had this clarity to see I no longer wanted to fix other people's problems."

She sighed while nodding,

    "I so understand you"

It's not for the lacking that we touch, but for the encouragement in our shared efforts to be authentic.  There is a cycle of power- parched souls in society who along with us, despise the situation but feel powerless to dampen the momentum.  I can only say how I feel, this day of realization that I am not beholding to some agency, person or situation for my self- esteem.  I've a tissue thin health in the notion that I don't have to be accepted. Having thus far passed the obstacle of approval, I am a bit dazed to stand in the ashes of the dross.  Victor Frankl wrote,

   " What is to give light must endure burning"

You have no choice but surrender to the trials that strip away all that does not aid you in being who you were born to be....genuine.