Change of Situation

I received a letter from a distant friend, where in sharing their situation with me, I saw myself; how I had been, not too long ago.

Yet now I sensed the subtle change, from the way I had grown accustomed to judging myself by my current conditions. 

  The words wove of a fellowship, born from past hurts.  The gravity for them brought others with similar complaint to the center; those with current constraints and difficulties in adapting to the unwanted.  I was told they gained comfort in having another listen and encourage them; those familiar with like kind suffering.

   I nodded my head as I read, acknowledging the companionship in the feeling of desperation; the acrid inner aching for anyone to understand. 

Anyone, just so that I'd not feel neglected, abandoned; the oppressive feeling of being alone.

   I've grown to understand more about the conditions with which we shape

our lives; claiming still ~ I know nothing; I became aware of this driving desire to connect with others.  That most commonly we resort to any theme available.

Is it any wonder how in misery we focus and pick on each other’s wounds?  I've been hurt, captive to the notion that constant attention to the pain would somehow suckle the poison out.  Doing such, I'd magically become healed; made whole again.

   Years ago I read that we humans are habit forming creatures, since we did not possess the wealth of instincts our animal brothers had. As habits become addictions, it’s just a matter of form. Change calls to surface observation on those habits, our situations that support them ~our associations and routines that create more. 

Discomfort calls us to adjust, but most oft ~ release. 

   The quest of improvement can be mostly comprised of cleansing, of canceling an effect; I’ve read where in ancient Aramaic that means forgiveness.  It's an uncomfortable experience, for we find it difficult to explain the vista from which a new horizon is viewed.  Sorrow, loss, reluctance and lament vie for attention to influence our choices.  Keep safe; keep dear; keep close; that is not the same as cherished character, the ultimate freedom to allow ‘what is’ and not have it be a measurement of the quality of ‘us’.  

How can we hope to feel better when our efforts are focused and burdened with examining where we've been?  Rather than on where we are; the actual threshold to what we shall become.