First Things First

Sometimes events unfold in a peculiar way....out shopping at my local grocery store I notice the cost of my favorite labeled wine has gone up once again. I feel obligated to say out loud, and to no one in particular, my objection. In fact I do that even if there isn't anyone in the isle but me.

"When I starting buying this it was only...."

I left the amount and name of the brand obscured for two reasons. One, is I didn't want to reveal what a low-class-wino I've become, and secondly the details are insignificant if they don't propel the story along. I think I heard that in a creative writing class? Anyway, I'm off into the forest again and I need to come back to the sunlit path. Commenting on change. Yes, well as the years pile on I get more and more opportunity to take notice of how things used to be. Yes, I remember the invention of the Slurpee (now called Icee); Panty Hose; Disk Players (of every type, music first then video); and (drum roll please) the fasten your seatbelt campaign. No kidding, we owned cars without seat belts...Seat belts cost extra back when I was a kid.  Oddly they are still beating that seatbelt drum and I’m not convinced they’re making much more headway then back in the 60’s.

  Now it’s true I’m on a tangent because what I should be doing is brushing up my Resume. You see, I am, once again, at the threshold of finding employment. I have recently begun to have those sleep-interrupting thoughts at night about my past.

“Oh yes, I was the very first Financial Management Club vice president at Auburn University in Montgomery, that should be noted.” As exciting as that may strike the casual reader, the dulling truth in the rest of it is; that was back in 1985. Nineteen ANY NUMBER is over TWO decades ago…relevant? I think maybe not.

   So instead of reciting any relevant and recent achievements to laud over I’ve come to the realization that I just stopped keeping track. Perhaps once you start getting a list, you stop keeping score. I remember aching to have something to put on a Resume that made me look like an achiever. Now I can’t possibly squeeze all of my experience onto a page…or two….And frankly….most of that is a blur now and I’d be hard pressed to talk about it in any detail during an interview.

   “So tell me Mister Cuddy, about your entry of possessing a dozen tactical nuclear warheads? We don’t see a lot of that here at Ambercrombe, Finch, McLemore and Davis.”

   “Yes, well, there’s not a lot to really say, nor am I at liberty to tell you due to national security issues don’t you know. But I can tell you that they are warm to the touch.”

That may or may not get me a parking spot, but I’m not convinced that my evasiveness is something that would be welcomed.

   “I see here you say you have a cat that can fly? Tell me about that?”

  “Well I see we’re really getting into the trivial weed details here, so let me just say Obediah is an extraordinary cat who I rescued. I can’t go into the details because I am sworn to secrecy by the department of defense, but let me give you a hint that there are no cats on this planet quite like him” (I plan to look skyward and make circle gestures with my index finger).

I figure if I don’t torpedo the interview with that, then they are probably really desperate to fill a position that has been vacant for so long there is no continuity and I’ll have to start from scratch. So, that’s the place for me. I mean really, when you take a job with a desperate company, they’re nothing but appreciative; who doesn’t want that?

As for the boat loads of money?  Well first things first.