Come Back

I had been pondering the frequency of revisiting my past, as if the effort in doing so would somehow make sense of the present; or to at least reinforce hope for a better tomorrow. I'd be less than honest if I didn't include that I do that because of a general preference to having more of the pleasant and less of the distasteful.

      Somehow in my practice, I attempt to gist a value of love in the present compared to when I felt so enamored by the ideal of its visited past occurrence. Like it or not, my pressing desire remains focused on feeling once more the heady passionate rush of ‘being’ in loves presence.

  Most of the time that entailed having all of my past come back alive.  I know that my love is something I can only feel at the moment and that no one can 'give me' that feeling. Even if I'd admit holding what I cherish about a past situation can spur a torrent of loving feelings to surface, I still may mistakenly feel that the love of the past is somehow connected to a specific 'person' or 'place' even an 'event' as if it were really right here and now. 

     But that's deluding myself that the past continues to have relevance to the present; only if I assign its value to be that of course.  I feel emotions can behave with an entitled access to memory of past feelings, as a mental process of compare and contrast which are never ending in matriculating the question ‘is this valued?’  Even when the presence of the object that inspires my process is no longer necessary for me to recall how I felt.  In truth, I aspire towards love with the aid of another. Then, in gratitude, I realize I have the power to love all I want; isn't that sweet to realize?
     Sure, I desire, that is a wonderful facet of the human condition.  As also it is to hope, that often develops faith that what I desire will somehow, and someday arrive.  Should I continue to embrace my enthusiasm in such thinking, further on, with excited anticipation, I enjoy; so then, consider my conjuring a successful endeavor into quality; anything else would be needless suffering.
     Love now is all there is, and what we forgo, or sacrifice, for the sake of a promise to a future experience of it will just never pay off; you can't feel the future. 

     Just as we sparkle in the company of soft new life, (babies, puppies, kittens) or are drawn into a tenderness indescribable when witnessing lovers kiss, we are ever called to experience the thrill and the zest of feeling new; of the excitement in encounter, as we unfold and relax into the notion of being ‘in’ loves embrace.
Yes, love now, like it was our only purpose. Because I suspect, in truth, it is.