Just Stop Complaining

  It’s been said that complaining is the pastime of those who perceive themselves powerless.  I could go into great depth concerning perception and self deception; but the point of this topic is why would anyone intentionally accept the notion that they have no power to make changes in their own situation?

  Well there are lots of reasons for complaining, as for today I’ll only address a few.  Overall I believe that most of us do not want others to consider us as a whiney-hiney.  So I think most people, when they complain about particular objects or situations, what they’re really trying to do is vent.

    Venting one’s frustration with the challenge of a life puzzle can relieve the mounting pressure being felt.  Sometimes we just need to blow off steam by expressing ourselves.  Women do this a lot to their male significant others who mistakenly think it’s a call for fixing.  Yet, there is another pervasive reason for complaining, and one I believe is more compelling for the practice  and is far more common; ego face saving.  The reflex to complain happens as an emotional push to a sense of being wronged.   

When we are frustrated by feeling that things are not ‘fair’ or that we somehow were misjudged, or giving a raw deal, we take action to validate our bruised egos.  We seek this validation by complaining in the hopes that someone will respond with “I know how you feel, I’d be frustrated too.”  Hearing that can be like a healing salve; it validates the sense of entitled position of special.

     Now there’s plenty of literature out there on how to put a positive spin on complaining.  First and foremost is the necessity to acknowledge that the ‘injured’ ego is playing a game seeking to ensnare others into its racket.  We complain because it works.  Others come to our aid; potential solutions are offered, even if most are rejected; and best of all, the complainer gets what they really really REALLY want.

Attention. (agreement if they can fetch it too)

  The down side of complaining is how the formula works.  If you want to surrender your welfare to others by complaining, then the rescuer may do better than you; they may also do far worse.  After all who knows better what you want than you?  Whether you are successful at finding a hero to save you is immaterial because the truth of embracing the approach is you become a slave to whomever steps up to fix your very specific complaint.  Just as a child is subject to the authority of a parent, whoever complains is advertising to become a prisoner of another’s whims.  I think that contract may not always be clear to the casual observer, but to those who have gotten less than what they wanted by those who took charge may consider these words reminiscent of a heavy-hearted disappointment when they practiced complaining as a coping tool in the world of their unknown.

  Complaining is a practiced habit of powerlessness. Oh, and complaining is nowhere near the same as protesting or objecting.  The last two are the fundamental rights of every mature human being willing to attempt to shape their environment to their liking.  Negotiation is always welcomed among the brave souls who dare accept the consequences of their effort.  With or without…permission.