Home Stretch

  On the third of June, a year ago, I made a personal pledge to myself.  That pledge was I would post to my blog every day for an entire year.  With one exception, and that was actually a delay; I had inadvertently left my post in draft form so it didn’t hit the post on the day I intended (the day after actually had two post for that day.) So then, soon I will have accomplished my task.  It was a lot more demanding than I had any idea it would be; but then aren’t all great personal quest?  In the order of things, I suppose my goal wouldn’t be compared to anything Alexander or Hannibal envisioned, but the real gist of any quest is accomplishing what was set out; be that conquest of the known world; bring Rome to her knees, or fulfill a personal pledge.

  As of today I’ve had 4,138 views, making it an average daily visit of 12 per day.  Due to the wide broadcast of the Internet, I’ve had visits from Croatia, Russia, Ukraine, the United Kingdom, Uruguay, Germany, Italy, Norway, Poland, Sweden, China, France and Spain.  Then of course the United States who represent 2,780 of those 4,138. The most viewed post was Wayfarer’s Faith, on November 23, 2012; 52 in one day.  Something I wasn’t aware of, but rather satisfying to learn, was that on June 9 of last year 43 people visited other sites where my work was also featured.  Lots of traffic from Vampirestat.com, followed by filmhill.com and of course google; bringing in the rear were some from bing, stumbleupon, and adsensewatchdog; the latter finding reason to kick me off the program and I lost the minor residual income from them posting ads on my website.  Ah, it was an ending of a one way relationship anyway, where saying adieu is a kiss through a screen door.  Only those who know the creepy of that can appreciate how big of creepy a kiss through a screen can render.

  I thought from time to time, what will be my routine once my goal had been reached?  I’m reminded of a young gymnast who won a gold medal unexpectedly.  She mentioned that her timeline was completely trashed:

   “I expected to participate in this Olympics to get a feel for the magnitude of it all; I didn’t even dream of winning a medal.  Then, I thought, next Olympics I’d shoot for the bronze, and if I really knuckled down maybe even the silver. Then, I thought, my third Olympics I’d have developed to my peak, along with the experience, vault me to the gold.  That was my plan.  So now? So now I have to reconsider the next twelve years of my life to figure out what I want to accomplish”

  I’m sure it didn’t take her all that long, but I can relate to that odd vacuum of accomplishing your goal.  I’ve written often enough over this last year about, change, and the big ‘now what’ not out of disrespect or cavalier indifference to the very-real aspect of being a human being who has a mountain top experience.  We’re forever engaging in quest of exploring who we are in the world we’ve defined.  Most times what we discovery is that we’re not all that sure of where we’re going or what to do when we get there.  That’s kind of liberating in the sense that we have no standard to meet in order to win the coveted sense of worthiness.  We don’t deserve praise because of something we do; or even win acceptance for who we are by others who decide if we’re right or wrong.  I’ve written about that a lot too, and suspect I’ll continue to do that because I witness all around me my fellow earthlings have a real problem with trusting themselves with the task of living well.

  I might add that this fascination was not delivered to me one day as a Christmas gift, but rather found in the ashes of my effort to win praise; to win acceptance by others; in the endless seeking to find myself worthy to love.  So for every fall there is the potential victory by picking yourself up; and like my friend Laurel once told me,

   “You can go with dignity, or screaming like a pig, but you’re going”

  I’ve learned to relax about answering the pestering question of ‘going where?’ I am both confident and certain; I’ll know it when I arrive.

Here’s to me talking to you without the need for a reply.  Because I hear you without the uttering of a word; I’m watchful for your visit, and I take a personal delight in seeing that someone dropped in to consider what I had to say.  Then, just maybe from time to time, become aware…we’re thinking pretty much about the same things.