The Purging Fire

This wasn’t the topic for today. It wasn’t even in the paddock of my usual ten post waiting for their notice to be used.  Those were lost to me, I suspect, forever, along with several hundred essays and another one hundred and fifty poems.  How?  Well, I’ve spent the better part of today wondering that very thing.  How did I happen to move my BLOGGING folder, comprised with past, present, and future into my computer recycle bin?  Or even better still, why didn’t I look to see what was in that bin before I permanently deleted the files?  Habit I suppose. I know that when I saw that 39 megs were flushed I was curious to wonder how the bin got so full.  When I discovered the BLOG folder missing I did the math.

  OMG, as the popular text goes. In this case it represented the loss of over ten years of essays and short insights that I had been turning into daily comments.  Yes, in an instant it was gone.  Denial demanded I spent the better part of the morning using recovery programs to resurrect the words, but suffice to say I can save the document Title but I can’t read the body.  Whatever encryption magic that works to protect me from cyber-criminals also prevents me from reclaiming my work.

   I traversed a moment of emotional upheaval, but it wasn’t as long as those from my past.  Much like having a house burn down, the event changes forever a point of view wrapped around permanent.  I lost files before and I got over it.  In fact, the whole idea of lost is something that needs more practice.  Nothing I possess will stay.  Slowly, and with great heaps of difficulty I’m becoming more familiar with the theme.  And I’m happy to report that it’s not as painful as it use to be.  I didn’t lose the day to remorse or lament.  What good will come of it?

Just about everything.

I can take the loss without being a victim or finding some blame to heft out.  I am in a moment of calm acceptance at the moment, perhaps I’m just misdiagnosing shock.  But for whatever the reason I am experiencing this calm.

Let me say…letting go brings peace.  I’ll talk with you tomorrow…maybe…that would be nice.