We have passed the winter solstice, reason
to celebrate that our days will grow stronger as we travel through winter
towards the spring; I lose count of that subtle truth in my every day
activities. Many cultures celebrate this
event as coming toward more daylight, and I readily agree with that idea; it’s
worth celebrating. Over the years we’ve gathered reasons to celebrate this time
of year, and in that effort to soften and gift those in our lives that make
living pleasant; yes, any dedicated time for appreciation is welcomed by me. How we do that is to the imagination. To come home, to send a special wanted item,
seems the possibilities are endless, but always with the spirit of
communion. I am like most, rushing to
accomplish a list of necessary self appointed tasks to make this celebration
special; I’ve found, all too often, I inadvertently wear myself out in that
effort. So then I’m not present to be
gifted as it were. What a turn of
phrases is it not?
I
come from a tradition of hectic chaos trying to accomplish all those tasks for the
holiday. The list of must was so
overwhelming that too often it beat the fun out of the holidays. By the time I
became an adult I was burned out on Christmas.
As a child I had a vague awareness of added stress by the grown-ups, but
with guile I could avoid igniting any full blown scolding if I just stayed out
of the way. When I had my own family I
realized full force the difficult task of juggling a demanding job while also trying
to ‘make’ Christmas happen.
One Christmas
in particular stands out in my mind. It
was, unfortunately, the first Christmas after my divorce. My son’s mother picked him up to go with her
to celebrate with her family at their farm.
I was invited, but it felt awkward for me to come, so I declined the
many offers to come along. Frankly, I didn’t want to. Once they left, I had the day to myself. I
called friends, while also accepting a last minute dinner invitation. I called my parents and my siblings to wish
them a joyful holiday. I watched It’s a wonderful life while sitting on
the couch strumming my guitar. I did a
host of things on the spur of the moment.
It was so foreign for me to be experiencing a quiet Christmas Day; No
arguments over details, or expectations.
I didn’t have to rush off somewhere, dress up for some party, none of
that. It was truly a Peaceful day. I
knew from that experience where the peace of Christmas came from;
attitude. Since then I make it a point
not to make demands, and most of all I abandon any expectations from
others. In doing so, every Christmas day
is a welcomed event for me to give of myself what I am able and willing to give.
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