Honeysuckle Summer

The chain of thoughts were engaging ~ tend the garden of your knowing.
Share the preciousness of your secret ways; your quiet hopeful joy.

In my personal journey finding a philosophy for living, beyond adherence to a private dogma promising safe, is this pressing desire; A wish to discover for myself what is the issue with belief systems, faith, and possibly even yes, the fundamental character of the big L, one-over-the-world, type love.

   I'd be less than forthright, in unbiased sort of inquiry, if I didn’t mention that all of this curiosity is predicated on pain, prodded by fear, then suckled into living-breathing-questioning by a prickly sense of urgent discomfort. But for a sprinkle of understand did I see if I deny the effect of change in my personal perspective, then I would be relegated to remain on a path of uncertainty and misgivings; short translation doomed to repeat the process.
   So in exploration, with appetite to discover answers, I felt compelled to gather to me for the journey, some companionship. This I do acknowledging the ancient disposition towards comforts, reassurance, and all around regular type of being human desire to not be alone. Too often that impoverishment drove me to desperate clinging and excessive attachment.   My need so prevalent I had forgotten the whole reason why I had bothered to act in the first place. Recalling the details was becoming more elaborate and defined; whether I was willing to admit it or not.  Soon it became so clear it was undeniable. That reasoned place where being swept along was no longer good enough.

I found out for myself reality was a distortion from what was actual. My perception, no matter how much I claimed was valid, was influenced by values and belief systems. I came to appreciate belief systems were but a gatherings of thought processes born from my personal experiences. They were in effect, my expectations; my private paradigms that kept me living in the past, fearing similar experiences in the future, or basically~ tools to resist facts that were contrary to what I wanted. Only in that self examination and inner unraveling was I able to arrest my habitual reactions. I wanted to wake up to living as a response to actuality. To stop living in the past, or dreading the future. If I wish to own my power I must first stop sabotaging it with illusionary investment into events that cannot be effected, (the past) or avoiding those that don't arrive (the future)

   I'd not be able to express this far if not for the company of others. Sometimes it can be true where each person becomes the prayed for angel; to listen and empathize with. We're living when we're connected....it reminds us of home.  Allow me to express, "I love you" as a new and vibrant celebration of support to our exploring days...the divine connection...the comfort that is as fragrant....

as a honeysuckle summer.