There is this proposition.
It flitters around in my mind much like a butterfly does in
a field of wild flowers.
To track it takes more mental flexibility than I usually possess;
it takes focused concentration.
But I am not let off the hook.
Like that butterfly, movement catches my attention and I make course
corrections. Then, I am once more engaged
in this dance of predicting where will events take me next?
Was it the cause of interest?
When I thought a particular facet of my discovery had eclipsed
everything else but this new awareness?
When I was younger, I found baseball. Everything else was in the meantime until I
was back in the game.
Many of my amusements throughout life would fall into that
exercise.
I was passionately interested in doing; learning the guitar; mastering
a topic. Then, the fire waned and like a child building sand castles, I would
eventually turn away from the project of imagining as I took on the waves
of the roaring surf threatening to overtake me.
We're born hungry. Somewhere along the way we were coached towards believing
that hunger was to be avoided. As
if being so were a measured distant from perfection; of adequacy. In the
building block of our awareness it would be the discovery of oneself being
separate from the observable world. Our
needs were personal, and it was a singular task for us to figure out how to
obtain what we desired. I've not
discerned how that mischief ever got into the human psyche so pervasively,
where success or failure took on a value; but there it is. Worn like a garment,
an excuse for our inability to cease the tug of our lacking, the urge to
anticipate and find shortcuts before we even had to use them was beyond repressing;
it came to consume as the years progressed.
When I remember what it was I had been chasing, I know it will come
for a heartbeat instance of recognition; then, almost dreamlike, where finding
the relevance felt familiar as an old friend, the scene will shift and I shall be
left to mutter
“What was it that I
thought was so important a moment ago? Let me think. Oh yes, to explore how any of us ever got to
thinking we were ever really in charge.”
1 comment:
Wow, I feel really silly for missing the anonymous selection below. =_= Sometimes it amazes me how unobservant I can be. Onto the subject of your post. I must confess that I had a hard time following it since it seems to jump around on topics but recently, it seems that my comprehension has been dwindling. Anyways, I did understand enough in the last few paragraphs to comment. I agree that we, as human beings, are born hungry and are always seeking to gain more. Those at the bottom of the chain wish to climb on top. And those who are already above all else (Or so they think) wish for more.
I find it interesting that the bible names the seven deadly sins but many of them are natural to human nature. Lust, greed, envy, gluttony. Either way, humans will always have a constant desire to improve their lot in life and that will never change.
On your last sentence, I have a theory as to why many people will think they are in charge. As loathe as we are to think it, humans are just animals. Evolved with complex thought processes and speech and most of us are social creatures. When it comes down to any sort of order of animals, there must be one in charge or else the pack cannot function. Alphas if you will. Some people have the natural instinct to assume leadership. And even more so, some know when to back down when they are not adequate. Either way, my point is that us taking charge or attempting to, I believe, is actually a survival instinct.
-M
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