The Greater Me

   One of the many pearls I picked up during my exploration into the field of psychology was the concept of Cognitive dissonance. The term was coined by Leon Festinger in his 1956 book When Prophecy Fails, as he chronicled the followers of a UFO cult as reality clashed with their fervent belief in an impending apocalypse. The short version is:  dissonance occurs when we hold conflicting ideas, beliefs, or are faced with inconsistent values or emotions.  The theory proposes that people are motivated to reduce this ‘distress’ by either altering existing cognitions (I’ll say attitudes), adding new ones to create a consistent belief system, or alternatively reduce the importance of one of the conflicting elements.  An example given during my studies was that of smoking.  A smoker wants to smoke, knows it’s unhealthy but then argues the negative consequences are remote, or won’t occur.  Yes, some would call that a state of denial.  The key reason for bringing this up is that the dissonance theory warns that people have a bias toward consonance in cognitions. 

   According to Festinger, we engage in a process he called ‘dissonance reduction’ and said it could be achieved in one of three ways: (1) lowering the importance of one of the discordant factors; (2) adding consonant elements (as in agreements), or (3) changing one of the dissonant factors (as in importance).  The desire or bias of this disposition sheds light on why we so often see irrational and even destructive behaviors by those we care for in the face of facts that are undeniable (most times about dating, but there are a host of others).  I’ve often scratched my head muttering to myself, ‘how could someone who is rather bright in ordinary situations be so blind to the overwhelming evidence contrary to their stance?”.  

   I recall reading a profound observation by Marianne Willamson when she was speaking on the values represented in A Course on Miracles.

“Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some; it is in everyone. And, as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others."- Marianne Williamson,

   A good friend of mine recently considered my speculations on how was it we were able to accomplish all of the self assigned tasks and not go crazy?   She replied,

  "We are able to take on more than we could have ever imagined.  And it is my knowledge of that ability that restores my faith every time I second guess myself and think I can't do something."
  Something else too.  I can liberate myself from pervasive recrimination.  ON those occasions when I fail to abide to strict, inflexible adherence to a demand-contrived schedule for deliverance and I am in conflict with desires, (dissonance) I am alert to those competing contradictions framed in 'time'.  I let me off the hook with the phrase 'for now.' I cannot do all of what I wish at one time.  I can do some, or even one...right now.  As for the rest?  I'll see about it.