I didn’t know what to say
I had feelings
I couldn’t put them to words
an unpredictable sense of being confounded
by the moment
taken by surprise more than being unfamiliar
Initially I wasn’t going to acknowledge it
I chose to dig my hands deep into pockets
appear to be thinking on greater issues
mortified by my impoverished response
caught in the act
I pretend I wasn’t there
until much later
I found my voice
In the recriminations and regretted jetsam of missed chance
I write about it
for absolution
explaining with aid of grammar
you as the subject
The raw truth is embarrassment
basic undiluted
unbiased fact
leave quantifiable truth for another day
sad in having no power to change anything
nothing to relieve pain
I took on a reoccurring nightmare
public inadequacy
After all these years
I remain raw with habitual behavior
hubris dodging consequence
pushing parents
into owning debt
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