Something made clear to my awareness is the tendency to take
life for granted. It’s not something I
think was intentional; I just seem to be
programmed to accept events that happen so often as normal. Over time, this list of acceptance of normal
grows to the point of expectation; there lies the rub of obtained comfort.
For good or ill parents labor to make the way
of their children ‘less difficult’ then their own journey. Rich or Poor that urging
seems to exist with most parents I’ve talked to or watched raise their brood.
I bring this up today mainly because tomorrow
I go in for minor surgery on my shoulder.
True there is a risk whenever anesthesia is administered; I’ve known of
several cases of minor surgery ending in death.
But the boon here for me dear reader is to share the blossoming insight into my own small-personal-point-of-view into the magical drives of
living well.
These past few weeks in preparation for the
event, little instances popped up to remind me of all the many things I do
using both arms, (something I will not be able to do after the surgery for some
time). How many of my daily routines
included the smooth cooperation of all of my limbs? Bashfully I’ll admit I don’t give a whole lot
of conscious thought into all of the many with afflictions preventing them from
doing even the most minor of activities; there it is, I’m self absorbed ~ just
like every body else.
I recognize we’re a contrast kind of
creature, so having those bouts of illness should teach to treasure good
health; most times it does, at least for a while. Then soon enough the preoccupations cloud the
gratitude and it’s a parade of dissatisfactions that hover near our lips.
I’d like to say I’ve learned better, but I’m
not that wise. Now I know of better, but
that’s not nearly the same thing. After
an accident, or a close call with the end of ‘self’ there is this glow of otherworldliness
that lingers. To look at the conditions
so carefully laid out considering them without the author? I’ve been prone to do just that without being
morbid. Instead of dwelling on the
negative possibilities, rather to question what it is I value as so
important?
I’d like to spend more time with the people I
love; even if its not in my command to make happen. I’ve abandoned some of those things that
annoyed me ~ I know they don’t matter all that much actually; not enough to rob me of seeking joy. Of all of that and much more. I must admit
I’ve noticed how preciously little time I actually have. That doesn’t spur me to learn Russian along with Mandarin while mastering Beethoven’s 9th on the Harmonica. No, nor cultivatating the best of any display of my
specialness or concerns. I’ve even reconciled
that these notions and expressions I post on this board, along with gather years of essays, poems and short stories and songs are merely an
echo of my not so well articulated voice saying simply, “I was here, and I
learned to love.”
That’s all, but it’s taken me a life time to
become so clear on it. I suppose the advice of not taking anything external personal
was actually helpful.
I felt compel to put it in
our modern-electronic stone so perhaps I’d have something to remind me while I
heal.
And you know…..I have this
funny idea that what any of us are really about is healing; healing from the
delusion that we’re here forever or worst of lies, we have to earn worthiness. It’s a
painful process to be sure, without having concrete examples of what else could
this all mean? But then, getting over
terror sometimes is a process much like learning to taking things for granted? Letting go of any sense of entitlement is
where the threshold of gratitude offers the gift to savoring the moment. You know, to let go without a lot of fuss
I dunno, I’ll let you know
what I find over the next horizon if I get the chance.
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