Free Me

Free me from the chains of expectations;

and their chaffing, demand for perfection.

Free me from experience;

whose counsel is the future will be an exact rendition of the past.

Free me from fear;

that dampens life inspired explorations.

Free me from naming;

a place holder of attributes claiming necessary to obtain desires.

Free me from lack;

a deception of inadequacy beyond personal power

Free me from mistaken assumptions;

where tears should be avoided, or deserving has anything to do with joy.

Free me from entitlement;

where terror of insignificance makes special necessary compensation.

Free me from resigning to external threat;

having any authority over me.

Free me from gullibility;

To other peoples versions.

Instead, bathe me in generosity;

clothe me with a mantle of kindness;

allowing my actions to spring from a compassionate heart;

an ever-present and willing playfulness;

with quick understanding and forgiveness;

The accouterments of living well.

The Life Task of Letting Go

  

  In January of 2009 German billionaire Adolf Merckle committed suicide after running up losses of 535 million betting against Volkswagen stock. A pittance to a man ranked as the world’s 94th richest man, personal worth of over 9.2 billion. Yet with the compelling losses were the financial uncertainties of the time along with the helplessness of no longer being able to act; combined to break the titian who chose to end his life instead of letting go to the change.
  Last year suicides in the US military hit an all time high of 349; understandably the stress of combat can affect even the most stoic of personalities. How many of them were retirees is obscured by lumping veterans into a single mix; suffice to say, too many for a population who figured out how to survive in a violent-hostile environment; gives credence to winning the war but loosing the peace (of mind).

  There is a wicked connection of self-esteem to competence; just as there is adequate research to support the notion where jobs provide a lot of shoring up of a person’s self-respect and self-image, (not the same thing as esteem). For good or ill it is not a case of low or high esteem as much as stable versus fragile high esteem. Research shows that even low self esteem is more resilient than fragile high self esteem. Fragile high self esteem is subject to crashing when external underpinning conditions change; and that’s what, like always? Seen in phenomena of successful men spiraling into depression and taking their own lives after leaving the coveted position of power at work. Most of the reading public reacted with aghast when learning that the German tycoon lost hope after losing a fraction of his wealth. Many still could not fathom why any successful person would not willingly live out their golden years basking in the rewards of their hard work and sacrifice. Very few understand how addicting the chase can be to achievers. We’re wired that way, it’s called satisficing, a portmanteau of satisfy and suffice. 

  Satisficing is a decision-making strategy that attempts to meet an acceptability threshold. This is contrasted with optimal decision-making, an approach that specifically attempts to find the best option available. A satisficing strategy may often be (near) optimal if the costs of the decision-making process itself takes too much time and we’re willing to accept a less than perfect solution to our problem. The word satisfice was given its current meaning by Herbert A. Simon in 1956, although the idea "was first posited in Administrative Behavior, published in 1947. Simon pointed out that human beings lack the cognitive resources to optimize: we usually do not know the relevant probabilities of outcomes, we can rarely evaluate all outcomes with sufficient precision, and our memories are weak and unreliable. A more realistic approach to rationality takes into account these limitations: This is called bounded rationality. Satisficing solution satisfies some criteria and sacrifices others.

  We are psychologically predisposed towards results serving a defined purpose. In short; it is how our species has adapted over evolution to survive. If you stop to think of it, most of the history of mankind ritually faced seasons of famine. As roaming gatherers we would have to face winter after winter of slim pickings. We had to hunker down and hope for the spring to bring us food to continue; some did, the doubters didn’t. So yes, we are the progeny of optimistic folk who framed their efforts towards making it to the next fruitful season. Take the life-drive purpose out of a person’s life coupled with significantly flawed, or inappropriately timed satisficing and you will witness a withering; and in short order. We see it in close long-term married couples when one of the mates dies; it’s common. When we lose our purpose, we lose heart and give in to the ultimate demise of the flesh. How to continue in changing states is to find new purpose. Those who do adapt to the situational change, finding new interest, usually thrive; those that cling to the old matrix of doing things find themselves adrift and wanting for the zest of being who they say they are….or would it be the ghost of who they were?

Random Care

 I’m familiar with the precept of random acts of kindness, there is a whole ethos of positive psychology built around it. Like any habit, it takes conscious effort; and specific intent.  The sake of developing any habit is of course, purposeful liberation of the cognitive, intentional thinking processes; a kind of a paradox if you stop and ponder it for any given length of time. We want to encourage mindlessness?

Yet, as often as any topic that gets me thinking, this one began as an innocent question of

  “what is the happiest moment of your life?”

  Most people I know struggle with this due to the enormity of the task in recollecting the entirety of their life; never mind the survey to pluck out the happiest moments.  I’m pretty limited in that respect, so I usually don’t take the bait, with me then ending up shrugging my shoulders defaulting to some obscure visit to an Amusement park of my childhood.  What got to me was the premise of happiest moment.  In that, I had a parade of moments in which I could readily say; were common witnessing acts of kindness; more specifically care.  Not random, as in kindness to strangers, but as actions by someone I had not expected such soft and gentle consideration.  True, I can’t recite the exact event, only that I saw it, while being touched to the marrow.  

If I were to answer the question of happiest moment, it would be whenever I am present in the act of care.  I must admit, whenever I watch tapes of rescue from raging fires or roaring rivers, I’d get choked up by those heroic efforts by emergency responders.  They were risking everything to save someone they didn’t even know.  I suppose we could all muster up heroic defiance to possible harm for a loved one; oddly more so for a loved pet ~ perhaps because of our emotional contract within our hearts that we pledged to take care of them?  Be that as it may, the amplification of risking one’s life, for a stranger, really get’s to me the most.  Not only that, I don’t get numbed to the notion; I could witness that all day long and still be riveted by its appearance.  I use to call that being Noble.

  Now I’ve come to the point where I am more acute to what are happy moments; compared to what are just conjured up emotional attachment to situations or conditions. Some might say that’s a degree of being jaded, or cynical to the world.  I disagree; I would say that is discernment between what might often be subjective emotionalism, with true affinity to the greater quality of being human.  If I were one to command the elements of our physical existence I’d make it possible to bring something to our lips that produced that very unpredictable quality of care.  Yet, too, like butterflies, when one happens to show up it captures my attention.  I am totally devoted to watching its flight.  In a butterfly conservatory, my senses get numbed by so many of them; then darn if I don’t dismiss the spectacle as common.  Wouldn’t it be a joke on me to realize that the infrequency is what makes care so precious; in that you-need-bad-as-a-contrast in order to appreciate good sort of way.

  It’s a delight to savor; few would disagree.  Clearly I can’t spend the day suckling on the sweet candy sitting in the crystal dish.  But you know, when I slow down, I can linger on the character of what I have in my here and now.

And that, would be the instant-moment of care; the happiest I’ll ever be.